Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I married an Atheist...and I'm a Christian!

Wow, there are plenty of warnings in the Big Book of Life that say that a "Christian" should not be yoked with an unbeliever.
Lets discuss this concept.

I just got married on 7-21-06, and I yoked myself with an Atheist. I was confronted with the question: "why would you marry somebody that will challenge your belief system every day?"

I have been a Christian for 11 years. I am yoked with an Atheist. This decision has brought some mental turmoil for me due to the fact that I KNOW how God feels about this...he was pretty clear about it in the Bible. Also, my family has not completely stood behind my decision to be with an Atheist, even though they admire and love my husband.

Although my spiritual situation is not ideal, I admire my spouse for his years of great effort and exploration to finally arrive to this solid conclusion. I would rather be with an Atheist who is sure about his spiritual stance (there is no stance), than a person who labels themselves as "Christian", but doesn't go to church (or know God for that matter); or is a "Christian", but molests children; or a "Christian", but beats his wife before Sunday service.
....I'm sure you get my point!!!!

I have fallen in love with the person that I married as a "whole". I accept him for the marvelous person that he is! I accept our differences: for example, our brains are wired differently. He is a scientific brain and I'm an artistic brain. He can't believe in God because there is no "Scientific Basis" or logical evidence for this system. I can believe because of personal experience with God. What makes me different from an Atheist? After all, I would not believe in God if He didn't make Himself real to me!

My only hope is that I do not have to suffer because of the decision I've made to be with an Atheist husband.


At 1:23 AM, Blogger The Intolerant One said...

Well written sister. And, might I add, well said.

I certainly agree that it is strongly advised against in the scriptures BUT it is not forbidden.

May he see the fragrance of Christ in you and may God turn his science into mush :)

"Human wisdom is so tiny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can't begin to compete with God's "weakness."

1 Corinthians 1:25 (The Message)

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Alanita said...

Yep I hear ya, bro!
I'm just not bothered by the stereotypes that Atheists are branded with! The "A" word doesn't scare me. What scares me more than anything is a "religious" person who is out there being hypocritical, or harming others.

At 4:30 AM, Blogger golfwidow said...

I imagine you knew enough about the man you married, since you did decide it was worth spending the rest of your life with him, that he will be supportive of you and your beliefs even if he does not embrace them himself. This means that, although he himself is an atheist, you have not "yoked" yourself with him, and are therefore still living within the letter of the teachings.

At 6:46 PM, Blogger Alanita said...

Actually, golfwidow, the way I interpreted that verse is like this: if you get married to somebody you are yoked with them. How did you interpret it??

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Geoffe said...

Just had to say hello from another athiest from Bay City. Good luck with your new life should be fun!

At 5:39 AM, Blogger Q said...

A Christian with an Atheist is surely a rather unusual couple. I think that sharing different beliefs can be a hard start in the beginning, but things can get smoothed out eventually. I wish you have a great new life with your husband.

Some say that 'opposites attract', who knows.

At 8:52 PM, Blogger Genevieve said...

In terms of the verse you are referring to

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14)

the meaning behind not being yoked with a non believer has been a warning from God because he understands that in doing so you open yourself to a relationship which does not have a stable foundation in the Lord who is the solid rock.

"He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he." (Deuteronomy 32:4)

The "unequally" in the verse means you put yourself in a disadvantage spiritually because unlike having a partner in Christ, you will not be able to grow in your faith with the Lord with your partner which was the intention of God to begin with.

My cousin had married a non-christian and though she was happy and in love with her husband, a couple of years later she ended up finding out the true nature of the depraved human who is without Christ and has since distanced herself from her husband (because her husband won't sign divorce papers and the bible clearly states the wife cannot innitiate the divorce)

Your statement about:
a person who labels themselves as "Christian", but doesn't go to church (or know God for that matter); or is a "Christian", but molests children; or a "Christian", but beats his wife before Sunday service.

isn't validating anything because just like athiests, those who claim to be Christians but do those types of things do not have Christ within them.

So unfortunately, even if you feel comfort from others of the world who may accept your decision in this marriage even when you have stated you are a Christian, you really need to examine the full burden of your actions and the path you have taken with your faith. As Christians we are to walk in the teaching and example of the Lord, and just because we think something doesn't seem as bad as what the bible portrays it to be, there are reasons why God had put such rules and warnings to begin with.

I'm sure your husband is a good guy, but you have to examin your situation more through your faith since the relationship we have with God should be number one before anything else.

At 9:35 PM, Anonymous J's Girlfriend said...

Yay to tolerance! I agree that if you love someone, those things shouldn't matter. I'm a Christian and my boyfriend isn't (bad orthodox church experiences early in life), but to be honest it very rarely if ever is a topic of discussion.

At 1:11 AM, Blogger The Intolerant One said...

J's girlfriend:

"Yay to tolerance! I agree that if you love someone, those things shouldn't matter.

Thanks for the vote of support, however that is Intolerance, not tolerance.

Secondly, regarding one's faith it actually should matter. Once you committ to someone who does not share your faith you do in fact put yourself at risk that they will influence you towards more "worldy" values as opposed to Godly values.

However, in my friend's (Alanita) case, from what I know of her she seem's to be well grounded in her faith and it is my hope that Christ in her will triumph over her husband's unbelief.

"I'm a Christian and my boyfriend isn't (bad orthodox church experiences early in life)"

I skipped over to your blog and caught your latest entry. I hope you take no offense in what I am about to ask you and know that if you never stated you were a Christian then I would not ask in the first place.

But do you feel (again, according to what I read) your actions between you and your boyfriend are accepatable to God according to what is taught in the scriptures?

I was just rather caught off guard by what I read because you claim to be a Christian.

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At 11:44 AM, Blogger Kim said...

You must not have children yet.

All I can say from my own personal experience and listening to countless testimonies of unequally yoked couples is....I'll be praying for you and your husband.

I truly hope that you and your husband do well and that there aren't issues if you decide to raise children but I don't want others who may be Christians and considering marrying someone who isn't to read this post and think that it is ok. The Lord did say that for a reason. He has all the infinite knowledge in the world and with the tiny peck of knowledge that we have, it is always better to listen to Him and take His word for it as knowing what is best.

At 1:29 PM, Anonymous Debs said...

I happened to find your page on a web search. My boyfriend of three and half years is also an athiest and I am a Christian. I know that a lot of people have challenged me about my relationship and now that we are engaged all those challenges get more vitriolic. I know my Christian parents (my dad is a pastor) and friends are only concerned for my well being when they remind me that I should be finding myself a 'nice spirit-filled Christian husband'.

I guess what it boiled down to was I met P and fell in love with him. I was a friend to him at first but things progressed very quickly. We had many shared interests, except of course faith, and we just had such a great time when were together.

I fell in love and he fell in love with me. We don't agree on faith issues but he at least respects my right to choose my own belief and I don't constantly nag him about church.

I have asked myself on a few occasions if I should leave the relationship and every Christian I know will shout "yes you should!" but how do I walk away from someone who I am so much in love with that the very thought of being without them breaks my heart. I could marry someone that the church says is the proper person for me, or I could marry someone I love - personally I prefer the love option.

I am aware that it is not easy to be with someone who does not share your views spritually but we have so much more in our relationship. I know that we are strongly advised to marry someone whom we 'share a faith with' but I just have not met anyone in the church who interested me.

I am still going to church, praying and just leaving P and his lack of belief (he's a fan of Richard Dawkins) in God's hands.

Best wishes


At 5:08 PM, Anonymous Loved said...

Sigh... the reason I even found this blog is because I have fallen in love with an Atheist and he has with me. [and we met ONLINE, haven't met yet] how we even met was by mere chance, like it was meant to be. It's CRAZY the weird connection we have, we read each others minds CONSTANTLY, and we know each other SO well. It's inevitable that he is my other half although we are very much polar opposites. I'm black, he's white, he drinks and smokes, I've never touched either, im a virgin, he sure as hell isn't, I'm from a big traditionally driven family, he's adopted, and was raised catholic by an irish family. im christian[well... i dont really label myself to a religion anymore] and he's atheist. And the only REAL reason I worry about our future relationship and even marriage because I know we want to, is because of OTHER people. I worry about other people's acceptance, other peoples views. They society see's a christian-atheist relationship as madness. They believe it will never work, so when they proclaim that into that persons relationship, they start to believe it, and it manifests. My love deffinatley respects my views, and He knows I respect and accept everything about him regardless of our differences because he has an AMAZING heart. I mean, I don't care about what he is on the outside, the fact that his heart, and his love is almost Christ like astounds me. I mean although he doesn't believe in a God or afterlife, he still knows in his heart what is right and wrong, and he doesn't need a bible to tell him that. And the reason I don't label my self christian anymore is because... well lets face it, christians are giving believers a bad name. I dont follow a set rule anymore, Religion is man made, but the spirit has always been and will always be.

Jesus did NOT teach us to judge, or to seperate ourselves from non-believers. He came here for the "sinners" remember. He made water into wine and hung out with them, he saved a "whore" from being stoned to death. So why in the world do Christians feel that being "christ-like" is about associating with other christians?!?! POSERS. Jesus came to earth to teach us one thing, and one thing ONLY. And that is to LOVE. Replace the world LOVE with anything you've been taught about Jesus and what do you get?





I found this passage on a near-death experience Christian Andreason gave when he died and went to heaven.

"The reason why we must learn Love on Earth can be given a scientific explanation. God is Love and absolute vibration. The act of Christ-like Love elevates inner vibration. As we learn how to Love and practice Christ-like Love with one another, the inner vibration within the Soul creates supernatural inner Light.This Light helps us to enter various dimensions that lead the way to the Heavens once we are in spirit form. Contrary to what many of us were taught in our various religions, "Heaven" is not a reward for good behavior, it is a "higher plane of existence" that awaits those who ready themselves to enter. The only way to enter through the door ... is to hold the key of Love. "

God is an essence of absolute Love, Light and beautiful sound. NOT a guy sitting on a throne in heaven smiting the wicked to hell, and bringing the christians to his presence just to worship him some more in heaven.

I LOVE my guy for him being able to LOVE, and care, and accept, and have respect, and his honesty. He LOVES me for ME, and all the qualities that follow. And the thing about loving someone unconditionally for their inside, you tend to love and accept everything about them on the outside, which is why I do. Although we are different on the outside, LOVE is what has brought us together. So who is progressing more in spirit?!?! A christian who loves a christian just because they are christian?! They have the same views, same beliefs?? How the HELL ARE THEY GROWING SPIRITUALLY BY BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS JUST LIKE THEM?!?! They are NOT learning tolerance, they are NOT learning acceptance, they are NOT learning uncoditional love, and they are NOT learning respect because they obviously have the same views. of course if you respect your own views, you'll respect your christian husbands views aswell. It does bother me from time to time that he doesnt believe in an afterlife, but he has told me that he WANTS to believe, its just that being raised catholic, he's found his excuses for what he's been taught in theology and science. he hasnt seen a miracle, but he is starting to see that unconditionaly love and faith that we are venting off of each other, which is slowly but surely changing him. I dont nag him about my beliefs, and he doesnt nag me about mine, But we are changing each other just by loving each other, and that is ALL that matters. PLEASE REALIZE, LOVE IS THE TRUE PATH!!! LEARN IT WELL, ALL THE OTHER THINGS WILL FOLLOW. Him and I are equally yoked, is why we are able to read each others minds, and finish each other sentences, and have the same goals of marriage and kids, love whole heartedly. It's a hard journey because we are so far at the moment, but it also allows us to learn tolerance and trust. If you truely want to Love someone with the love of the Lord, it should look a little something like this!!

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At 8:32 AM, Blogger momma2boys said...

Just wanted to give you some encouragement. I'm a Christian who has been married to an athiest for 14 years, and we have two children. In my opinion, we have just as good (or better) marriage than the Christian marriages I see. Just be sure you talk about spirituality and keep it as an open topic. I've learned a lot about my spirituality and have grown so much from having to question and research things for my own mind. We talked about how our children would be raised before we got married (they attend church with me) and that they would be baptized, etc. He respects my beliefs, and I respect his (although I would be *thrilled* if he were to become a Christian). He does come to church with us sometimes and he attends a small group bible study with me. One drawback for me is that he isn't as involved in church as I am, and that can be lonely at times. But we compromise, and he does come to worship with us sometimes and we attend a bible study together. He also comes with me to social events at church.
Also, in my study bible, the verse in reference to being "yoked" concerns "cooperating with false teachers, who are in reality servants of Satan, not withstanding their charming and persuastive ways is to become unequally yoked, destroying the unity and fellowship that unite them in Christ." I won't go into my personal beliefs of what that means, but I thought I would put it out there.
Anyway, good luck in your marriage. Keep your eyes on Christ, and remember that He loves your husband as much (or more) than you do.

At 12:22 AM, Anonymous olivia said...

you're definately going to struggle in your relationship, but you should never blame that solely on religious differences.

i have witnessed numerous, plentiful christian couples who have cold, unbalanced, abusive, and embarrassing realtionships. it doesn't get any easier being a christian.

i personally am a christian, i love christ, i credit god for my existence and all his many blessings, and i have said many prayers asking for him to bring the right person into my life.

and, im now dating an atheist. he's INCREDIBLE! he's an absolute complement to me, we have incredible communication, and we feel very comfortable together.

we share our beliefs and have excellent debates, but we respect each other. we should! christian couples have disagreements that are easily as pressing as other's religious differences.
i look forward to my future with this man. i look forward to shared honesty and support.

for the good of your relationship, please support each other. defend each other. be proud of your decision and take good care of it. marriage is difficult for many reasons.

At 6:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm an atheist married to a Christian and we've been going strong for over 17 years now (not even counting the year and a half we dated before we married). We've got two fantastic children. He's only gotten more interested in his religion in the past couple years so, yes, it has been a challenge, but I do my best to keep my mouth shut, LOL. Differences are the spice of life, right? The bottom line is respect. And love. Good luck in your marriage!

At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

I found this in a search and I found it very insiteful. I am a Christian (Mormon) and I was dating my boyfriend for 3 years before we got married. He and I got married in the church and six months later he decided he was an atheist. I have thought alot about how that will change and is changing our relationship. I know we can make it work but it is a real trial and a huge thing to deal with.
It has been almost a year since he has stopped coming to church with me and it is very hard to carry the entire load alone. I don't have a problem with Athiests but it is a huge deal because it really leaves you alone in those times when you are feeling week and all you need is some spiritual strength from your spouse. I agree that it has taught me alot more tolerance and unconditional love but whos to say how an indivdual will learn those lessons. I believe if you are looking to let Christ change your life he will do it with any spouse you marry.

That's my two cents.
I hope you are at least blessed with paitence ;)
God bless your efforts.

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At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Kate said...

I feel like I'm on the other side of the road with this one. You see, I'm an athiest and my boyfriend of 3.5 years is a deist. He believes in God, an afterlife, the soul, etc etc etc, but does not tie himself to any organized religion. I, rather, do not know whether God(s)/Goddess(es) exist, but I choose not to believe in them. I don't know whether faries in my garden or gnomes in the center of the Earth exist either, but (again) I choose not to believe in them.

Recently my boyfriend and I have begun discussing the long term issues of marriage, children, etc, and he told me that he does not want to raise his children without God in their life. While I respect his beliefs (we have a mutual respect and open dialogue when it comes to spirituality), I cannot see raising my children with a belief in something that I do not hold true. We've had an argument about this that is running into its second month, and I don't know where to turn. I saw this blog and read all of the entries, but nothing I read dealt with the issue of decisions on how to raise children.

Does anyone have any insight to offer there? Because until that issue arose, I was fully intent on someday marrying my boyfriend. Those with and without faith can live along side each other in complete harmony, in complete love, and with complete respect. I'm sure of it. But how would differing opinions on a higher power effect a child? Would it wreck havok on such a young, easily manipulated mind to have "mommy" and "daddy" at odds on such a serious topic?

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